


my heart is on fire (my mind is unwell)

by fraudulentzodiacs



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Internalized Biphobia, M/M, Pining, Sort Of, Toronto Maple Leafs, this hiatus is going to kill us all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 14:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23134918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fraudulentzodiacs/pseuds/fraudulentzodiacs
Summary: Two hours after word comes down that the season has been postponed, Auston has sent no less than thirteen texts to Mitch. He’s never been good at downtime, and now that he’s staring down at a lack of hockey for an indeterminate amount of time….well, Auston can’t be held responsible for choosing to blow up his friend’s phone."Go bother Fred" Mitch texts back
Relationships: Frederik Andersen/Auston Matthews
Comments: 3
Kudos: 87





	my heart is on fire (my mind is unwell)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for austonandersen on tumblr who requested angsty but happy Freddie/Auston.

Two hours after word comes down that the season has been postponed, Auston has sent no less than thirteen texts to Mitch. He’s never been good at downtime, and now that he’s staring down at a lack of hockey for an indeterminate amount of time….well, Auston can’t be held responsible for choosing to blow up his friend’s phone. 

_Go bother Fred_ Mitch texts back

_We’re supposed to be self-quarantining Mitchy _Auston texts back, and Mitch immediately responds with a series of eye roll emojis. 

_As if that’s really gonna keep you away from Fred for long_

Auston has no real argument for that. He and Freddie are pretty much inseparable at this point. He only lives a few floors above Auston, and they’ve been spending even more time together since they had mutually adopted Jack. Mitch is his best friend, but Freddie is…something else. Auston’s too much of a coward to really examine what, exactly, that something else is. But it’s definitely not strictly friends, Auston can admit that much. The way his skin lights up when he touches Freddie, the swooping feeling in his stomach when Freddie looks at him with that intense stare he does so well, as if he can see straight through to Auston’s soul. The way that Auston wants to reach across the space between them and wrap himself around Freddie, press until he and Freddie are practically one being. 

Yeah, definitely not strictly friends. 

His phone pings again and he feels that familiar swooping when Freddie’s name pops up. 

_You wanna come up?_

_Isn’t that against the rules?_

_You’re driving Mitch crazy. Get up here. _

Auston doesn’t need to be told twice, and twenty minutes later he’s knocking on Freddie’s door, six pack in hand as he bounces his weight from one foot to the other. Freddie opens the door, looking delightfully rumpled in a pair of gray sweatpants and a Leafs hoodie, his hair a mess that Auston wants to run his fingers through and mess up even more. 

“I was not driving Mitch crazy.” Auston points out as Freddie steps aside to let him in. 

“Tell Mitch that.” Freddie retorts, and Auston scoffs as he stomps across the room and puts the beer in the fridge. “Chel?”

Auston leaps over the back of the couch, and he doesn’t miss Freddie rolling his eyes as he walks around the couch like a normal person. He hands the extra controller to Auston and fires up the game. They play a few rounds, Auston wiggling on the couch until he’s comfortable, his feet in Freddie’s lap, and the other man doesn’t even seem to notice. 

“Sucks that this is the only hockey we can play.” Auston grumbles, and Freddie chuckles.

“We should Instagram live it.” Freddie replies. “Let the fans see at least some hockey.”

“Might be better than what we’ve given them lately.”

“Don’t do that.” Freddie pauses the game and sets down his controller.

“Why not? Everyone else is.”

“Slumps happen to everyone, to every team.” Freddie points out, and Auston sighs heavily and moves further down on the couch, crossing his arms across his chest and huffing. 

He remains silent, staring at nothing until he feels Freddie’s hand wrap around his ankle. It only takes a moment for Freddie’s thumb to move, rubbing lightly at the space between the hem of Auston’s sweatpants and his sock. Auston glances up and sees that Freddie is scrolling through his phone. Just that simple touch makes Auston feel like he’s on fire, and he pulls out his own phone to distract himself before he does something supremely stupid. 

The thing is, Auston knows deep down what his not-strictly-friends feelings for Freddie are. They’re the same feelings he stuffed in a deep, dark corner of his heart the first time one of his lineys looked at him _that way _in Juniors. The same feelings he felt when he got drunk at a party in Zurich and ended up making out with a blonde university student two inches taller than him with glasses and scruff that left him with beard burn the next day. He likes women, likes their soft curves and long hair and sweet smiles. Likes fucking them, having a bit of fun on the road where nothing is expected except a good time. But this is _Fred_, his Fred, his best friend and teammate and one of the most important people in his life. And yeah, he wants to press himself against Freddie, kiss him until they’re both high from it. He wants to suck Fred’s cock, let the goalie open him up and have Fred fuck him into the mattress.

But, Auston realizes, he also wants the softer things. He wants to wake up in Fred’s bed the next morning, wants Freddie wrapped around him. He wants to cook breakfast with him, give him soft kisses as they drink their coffee. He wants to drive to the rink with him, holding hands in the car. He wants to let his hand rest on Freddie’s thigh at team dinners, let Freddie kiss his cheek and make Auston blush so hard their team will chirp him mercilessly. He wants to go home with Fred every night and do it all over again the next day. He wants…

Shit. 

He loves Freddie. 

He is_ in love with_ Freddie. 

While he had been lost in his thoughts, Freddie’s hand moved further up, slipping underneath Auston’s sweatpants to knead the muscle of his calf. He freezes when he feels Auston tense underneath him, and looks up from his phone to raise an eyebrow. 

“Are you okay, Aus?”

“I love you.” Auston blurts out before he can stop himself, and he watches as Freddie’s eyes grow wide, his hand slipping from Auston. 

“Shit, I-” Auston begins, pulling his legs away and sitting up on the couch. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Aus…” Freddie begins, and Auston shakes his head and pushes himself off of the couch. 

“I’m sorry, Fred, I didn’t…” Auston can feel his breathing growing heavier, faster, and he paces for a moment before darting toward the door. He’s only stopped when Freddie’s arm flies out, wrapping around his bicep. “I’m so sorry, I can’t believe-”

“Hey, Aus, it’s okay.” Freddie assures him, and Auston shakes his head. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because I-I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. You’re one of my best friends, and I just…just please don’t tell anyone, Fred.”

“Tell them what?” Freddie asks gently, and Auston feels shame wash over him when he feels tears pricking the corner of his eyes. “Talk to me.”

“That I…like guys. Please don’t tell anyone.” Auston whispers. He’s never admitted it to anyone, and he had hoped that if he ever did tell anyone that he would feel relief. Now? Now he only feels panic. 

“I would never.” Freddie assures him, his hand sliding up to Auston’s neck and pulling until Auston is looking at him. “Auston, that’s something only you should get to tell. Not anyone else. But I’m glad that you told me.”

“But I also told you…” Auston trails off, trying to look away but Freddie holds him steady just like he always does. He doesn’t move as Freddie leans in closer, slowly, waiting for Auston to pull away. When he doesn’t, Auston feels as if he’s been punched in the gut when Freddie’s lips brush his, close-mouthed and chaste. He kisses Auston once, twice, three times before pulling away enough to lock eyes with Auston. 

“I love you too.” Freddie whispers, and a wet laugh escapes Auston. Freddie’s other hand comes up to cradle Auston’s face. Auston doesn’t realize that he’s crying until Fred’s thumb runs across his cheek, and Auston finds Freddie looking at him with a kind of exasperated fondness. 

“Please don’t cry, elskede.” Freddie pleads, and Auston pulls Freddie toward him until he can wrap himself around Freddie, push his face into Freddie’s neck. Freddie responds immediately, his arms sliding up Auston’s back and moving up and down in a soothing pattern that has Auston slowly relaxing against the goalie. 

“I’m sorry.” Auston finally mumbles against Freddie’s skin, and he takes no small delight in the way he feels Freddie shudder against him. 

“Nothing to be sorry for.” Freddie assures him, one hand coming up to comb through Auston’s hair. He tugs gently and Auston pulls away from Freddie’s neck to meet his eyes. “I just want you to be okay.”

“I am.” Auston promises. He leans in and Freddie meets him without hesitation. And this time, it’s anything but chaste when Freddie takes control of the kiss, urging Auston to open up under him. Auston groans, his grip on Freddie’s waist tightening when Freddie’s tongue brushes against his own. He lets Freddie pull him until they’re back on the couch, Auston settling into Freddie’s lap as they continue to make out lazily, as if they have all the time in the world. They kind of do, Auston realizes, and suddenly his mind is filled with a thousand ideas of how to fill up the time until hockey comes back. 

He can’t wait to get to them all. 


End file.
